🧡🧠 Top 5 Things Donald Trump Would Absolutely Put in Storage

Spoiler: It’s not golf balls or good decisions.

Let’s just imagine, for a moment, that President Trump took a break from Truth Social rants, Mar-a-Lago drama, and courtroom gymnastics… and rocked up at AC Self Store in Morecambe looking for a unit.

Here’s what we reckon he’d tuck away behind one of our lockable steel doors — because even billionaires have too much junk.

1. A Lifetime Supply of Spray Tan ☀️🟧

It’s not easy maintaining that signature Cheeto-glow.
Trump’s storage unit would probably be 80% filled with industrial canisters of “Presidential Bronze™” and emergency backup bronzer wipes.

We’d recommend: A climate-controlled unit — no one wants a self-tanning chemical leak near the neighbour’s sofa.

2. Melania’s Missing Christmas Decorations 🎄😬

Remember that hot mic moment?

We imagine a dusty pile of designer tinsel, an animatronic Rudolph that cost $7,000, and three unopened trees. Festive, fabulous… and forgotten.

3. A Life-Size Portrait of Himself 🖼️🫠

Let’s be honest: Donald 100% owns multiple life-sized oil paintings of himself shirtless, on a horse, holding the Constitution.
 Would they fit in our storage units? You bet.
 Would we be tempted to hang one in the office kitchen? Only slightly.

4. 47 Boxes of “Definitely Not Classified” Documents 📄🔒

Labelled “Totally Legal Golf Tournament Results” or “Nuclear Secrets (Do Not Open)” — it’s anyone’s guess.
 We’d politely decline, of course, but there’s always one guy who thinks a padlock is stronger than international law.

Sorry Don — no treason in Unit 42.

5. Rudy Giulian🧛‍♂️📦

We're not saying he'd literally store a person, but if any politician were to pop their mate in a box with some snacks and a legal disclaimer, it's Donnie.

"He’s just resting," Trump would say.
"He’s tired from yelling in court."

Let’s hope Rudy at least gets bubble wrap.

Sure.
 But we’d need:

So until then, we’ll stick to storing your bikes, boxes, sofas, and the odd inflatable flamingo from Morecambe Carnival.

P.S.
If you’re hoarding less controversial things — like holiday decorations or stuff your partner refuses to throw out — give AC Self Store a ring.
We’re more secure than Mar-a-Lago. And a lot less orange.